Overcoming Potential Objections

Despite your best efforts to educate families and help them make choices with their best interests in mind, they will often object to your attempts. The best way to deal with any objection is to plan your approach (and practice it) before you ever have to use it.

1. Do not underestimate the value of rapport building. Ask specific questions that will help you offer appropriate elements later in the arrangement conference. For example, asking, “Had your mother been ill?” will not only build rapport and communicate your genuine empathy, it may also shed some light on clothing size, embalming/restoration concerns, open or closed casket, etc.
2. If you sense that there will be an objection, you may be able to gently steer the conversation around it or bring it up before the family does. Once a family verbalizes a statement, they often stand behind it. If you defend your viewpoint after hearing an objection, you may be perceived as upselling or untrustworthy.
3. Sometimes what may seem like objections are not really objections but mere statements. “Mom wanted things simple” is a common statement that does not necessarily mean that Mom didn’t want a ceremony. Build the concept while recognizing it is their idea. Frame the presentation to offer more than one option, with “large, medium, and small” choices for each element.

Also, focus on the wording of the question you ask. “Do you want a funeral?” is a closed-ended question that does not promote the value of having one. Instead, try something like, “Will your mom’s funeral be held at a church or at the funeral home?”

And don’t rush to the finish line. Start with small concepts and element suggestions. That way if a family declines one idea, you can still help them build a nice, full funeral ceremony. Your intent is to help them create a meaningful experience and, if your heart is in the right place, you can and will help them achieve just that!

This article is a contribution of Dr. Alan Wolfelt, who has been recognized as one of North America’s leading death educators and grief counselors. His books have sold more than a million copies worldwide and have been translated into many languages. Well respected for his inspiring teaching ability, Dr. Wolfelt is a past recipient of the Association for Death Education Death Educator Award. He is known around the world for his compassionate messages of hope and healing as well as his companioning philosophy of grief care. He is known as a change-agent in his consulting role to funeral service.